chocolate_chip

Scene: Friday

Me: I know I said I'd be in for 1:30, but you see, there were these gay pirates....

Boss: .............

Okay, so that conversation didn't actually happen, but I was half an hour late to work because I brilliantly decided to read my gay pirate book in a room with no clock in it. And THEN, the reason I was supposed to go into work so early was because I had to leave later for a doctor's appointment. Now, I had been led to believe that this was just a discussion of next week's surgery to make sure that I understood everything. But they lied, and instead it was SURPRISEBUTTSECKSPELVIC EXAM. T__________T Owwwwwwwwwwwww the paining.

And then I had to go back to work, and you know the very first thing that happened?

I WAS STABBED. SOMEONE TOOK AN X-ACTO KNIFE AND STUCK IT RIGHT IN MY HAND. D:

They didn't mean to do it, but still. T___T Of course, I was in so much pain from the pelvic that it took me like a whole minute to realize that I was bleeding all over the place and needed to put a bandage on it. So yes, now I can say with authority that being stabbed hurts much less than having a pelvic exam.

Anyway, the result of the exam was that my uterus is too small for Essure, so we'll be going straight to the tubal ligation instead. While I really liked the idea of setting off airport security detectors with my robo-implants, at least this way, it'll be over in one shot, and by this time next week, I'll be as cold and barren as Dick Cheney's heart. It also helped to be able to report to my mother that it would be pretty much impossible for me to carry a fetus to term, anyway. Not that any of it matters, since I doubt I'll ever be having PIV sex, but better safe than sorry, right?

Okay, I'm done. The guys on my f-list can uncover their eyes now.

Tomorrow's the big day! And for the first time in my life, I will be wearing pants with words on the ass in public. XD

*sigh* I don't want to go to work today....

TT__________________________________TT

Puppy got adopted. I miss her so much! I know that every cat is special, but Puppy was special. I still remember the first time we met~ I walked into the girls' room, and she was about 4 1/2 feet up the stack of cages she was climbing and gave me this look like, "What, you mean this isn't a normal activity?" And OMG so cute and tiny! >o< And always wanting to be held and cuddled! I hope she went to a good home.

Dusty is gone too.... He'd been there for a long time because his fur was really matted. During the time I've been volunteering, he made a lot of progress in allowing himself to be brushed, so I feel like I played a part in helping him find a home. ^_^

Ms. Grouchypants was quite a bit less anti-social this week, so maybe she will be next~


Oh, I got up crazy insane early this morning (i.e. 8:00) to make up that appointment I missed. And it went very well! :D More on that when I have a date scheduled for the surgery.

I've been feeling really depressed today. Most of it is my fault. I shouldn't have gone looking for things that I knew would most likely make me feel bad, but I did anyway.

It's so frustrating, though. I feel like everything I used to enjoy has been taken from me. I was lisening to "Yes! Yes! Yes!" at work today, which is about the happiest, most positive song in the world, and I broke down crying because of all the painful memories it brought back. Even thinking about Golden Pair makes me depressed because it reminds me of someone who I thought was my friend, but then she decided to go be a huge cunt instead. (Which is stupid really, because I was in love with Golden Pair before she ever even heard of Prince of Tennis, and she's not even that much of a fan anymore.) And fall is usually my favorite time of year, but now... I don't even know if I can face it. Especially my birthday. I'd rather not have one at all than spend it alone.

Things were made worse by having brunch with my mother this morning. I knew when she said it would be her treat that she had an agenda, but she knows that breakfast foods are my weakness. Sure enough, as soon as we left the restaurant, she asks if the reason I'm getting sterilized is because I "have plans to become sexually active soon." Fuck, mom, how old am I? Ever hear of none of your goddamn business? Your overbearing prudishness all throughout junior high and high school, combined with your asshole of a fiancé who tried to rape me when I was nine, has damaged me to the point that I've only been on one date in my entire life, and pretty much effectively destroyed all hope of me ever having a functional romantic relationship. I know that you want me to be a life-long virgin, but your work there is done. Finished. You do not have the right to continue ruining that part of me any more, got it? SO FUCK OFF.

But today aside, I've been feeling much better lately. We finally figured out that it was my period that was causing my psychotic spells, so now I increase my medicine the week before, and it's been working great. I also tried this therapy called EMDR, which is amazing. You hold a little pod iin each hand, and they vibrate alternatively. The stimulation helps shake your brain out of stalled thought patterns. It's used a lot to help people with post-traumatic stress disorder, which is essentially what my symptoms were.

But because I'm doing better, now they feel I'm stable enough to start trying out ADD meds. Right now, the major source of dissatisfaction in my life, by far, is my complete inability to do anything. So I do think I really ought to be taking something for my ADD. But I only *just* got my current medication to a workable balance, and I'm really nervous about messing all that up. I really don't want to go back to the psychotic spells and suicide watches.

Well, the only other thing is that I have to go to Germany physical therapy for my shoulder, and that's all the news from Lake Wobegone. Yay for health insurance. x_x