Unfortunately, I can offer you none of the constructive criticism you need--I'm a stranger, I haven't gotten up to Hyotei yet in the anime, and I'm probably too tired to offer decent insights on paragraphs, sentence flow, etc. I just wanted to comment, though, to say how nice this was to read. There's nothing better than fluff on Christmas; the way you wrote it was sweet enough to melt me into a little puddle. I figure since I enjoyed it, I should at least tell you, so I hope you'll forgive the comment from this completely random person . . . . Thanks for sharing, and Merry Christmas.
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Date: 2003-12-25 10:02 pm (UTC)